Sakura Trees
by KimiKat19
Summary: Clarissa Dawson, born and raised by her guardian after he parents death. Life seemed to be moving to fast as everyone seemed to be moving on with their lives except her. But after a trip to Whammy's she had found her haven. Action, crime, blood, and maybesome romance with a certain oblivious detective might blossom. Summary is sort of vague, but just give it a chance. LxOC
1. Chapter 1

*Hello, readers! Thanks for checking this story out, now I'll make this fast so we can get on to the story. This is my second fanfic and because of this I'm going to try and be much more consistent with updates (no promises though, school is hell!) but I will try. This is my first time doing a fanfic on an existing story/anime so I will try to bring out the true nature of the characters. (Please tell me if I'm doing something wrong; criticism is welcomed!). So, to sum it all up, I worked hard to make this story and I hope you all enjoy it. If not…well…thanks anyway!

**I do not, in any shape or form, own Death Note and its characters. (Unfortunately.) I only own my OC. **

**Warning: This is an LxOC (just in case no one knew, here it is.) **

Chapter 1

The thin iron gates opened steadily as it loomed over the small black sedan I sat in. The gloomy sky of England brought a gloomy atmosphere to the large mansion sized orphanage that was planted a few yards away behind the security of the gates whose roods seemed to pierce the heavens, or so it seemed to me since my small impish body was minute compared to many other children my age. Although to me, I seem to have grown a few inches since one of the odd and unnecessary intermissions that the school year had presented. It was very irritating to have to study for so long, only to be sent home with weeks of wasted hours to "relax". Such a waste, if you ask me.

I felt boastful about my growth and the fact that everyday I became a full day older and was close to becoming an entire year older. The gates wrenched open completely and my car lurched forward onto the paved driveway and I watched as the once-big building became bigger as the car approached the side of the building. Nervousness twisted inside my stomach as my guardian turned off the ignition and exited the driver's side on the car. Once I had exiting the car as well, from the back seat of course since my "father", or so I like to call him sometimes, didn't like me to sit in the front because he thought it was dangerous. I begged to differ but then again a child of my age had little room to argue.

The snow was thick on the ground and it reached the mid of my calves. My guardian, Hatori, had made me dress exceptionally warm. I had on black leggings, which were my favorite because it gave my room to move, while my buttoned up tan coat that covered most my body protected my from the cold. I lifted my foot from the hole it had created, a hard thing since my legs were so small as it is, and pushed it in front of m to take a step but failed as my foot became buried in the pile of snow. I trudged slowly doing the same motions in an attempt to walk and reach the door as fast as Hatori was doing.

My body was shuffling as I trudged along at my pace when my hat slid down over my ears and covered my eyes. The scarf around my mouth made my exasperated sigh muffled. Hatori chuckled and lifted me into his arms. I instinctually put my arms around his neck as usual and he walked on ahead with no trouble. Entering the orphanage gave me a sense of uneasiness since I didn't spend a lot of time around children my age, let along the oppressed vibe that the large place was giving off. The large windows looked intimidating as the inside looked empty. We reached the door and an elderly man with kind eyes and graying hair quickly opened it in no time.

"Ah, Hatroi, good morning to you. Please do come in" greeted the man.

"Thank you, sir" replied Hatori.

Hatroi proceeded and stomped off his shoes. His arms moved to detach me but I tightened mine, already in my usual hiding spot, my head bent on the crook of his neck, his long black hair obscuring me slightly. A few people stood in the hallway a few yards away from where we stood. My eyes instinctually looked over my surroundings. The place was big of course but it had an enclosed feeling to it, like a private place when no one left once they were in. It was foreign to me, which put me in an uncomfortable place.

"And who is this little angel?"

My eyes stopped darting over the entire interior as I realized the man was speaking of me. My eyes reached his twinkling ones and he gave me a small smile. I cringed inward and pushed my face farther into Hatori's hair. The elderly man chuckled as I did so and Hatori responded on my behalf.

"Her name is-"

"No, no, none of that. She can speak on her behalf when she is ready" said the man.

Hatori said nothing but nodded anyway. He placed me down, ignoring the way my hands dug into his shoulder blades and the pleas in my eyes and helped me take off my thick scarf and coat since the house was much warmer than outside. The old man led Hatori down the hallway where the other people where standing. They gave greetings to Hatori as he entered the room. The old man walked out to me and smiled as I stepped forward to join them.

"There is a toy room a few doors down. You are welcome to go and play. The house is yours to explore for the time being, but please do not enter any of the other residents rooms. Feel free to explore" he smiled.

I looked wide-eyed as the man spoke. It surprised me because although his words were strict and sharp, his voice was pleasant. His mustache twitched as he spoke and due to that I could find no source of hostility or authority in him. Instead I was given the impression of friendliness and recognition that it was hard for me to not obey his orders. I nodded in agreement which earned me a warm smile that made his eyes small and crescent-like. The boys along the walls made no movements. The old man retreated and closed the door to the office, but not before I caught a glimpse of black orb-like eyes meeting mine from a seat at the desk.

Those eyes belonged to a boy with wild dark hair and wore casual styled clothes, though he looked oddly shaped from my view, and he proceeded to look at me without batting an eye. I did the same. He stared and so did I. Then the door closed. It was just the two quiet boys leaning against the walls and I. Silence filled the house.

"Oh! What a lovely little girl! Finally, I have been waiting for ages!"

I turned at the voice to see a plump woman with a stained apron approached me. She clapped and pinched my cheeks really hard that I went into retreat mode. I scampered back and hid behind the first person I could find, one of the boys incidentally. Though the odd thing was that the boy I used as my shield looked very similar to the one in the office, though I pondered little since I ran behind his form. The lady laughed and pitched her voice in a squeaky tone as if I were some deprived baby. I pushed myself closer to the boy who only laughed in response. The other blond headed one spoke.

"Watari told us to show her around first, maybe we'll bring her into the kitchen later so you can feed her your famous cookies."

She agreed but grumbled under her breath as she walked along. I was fully hidden now, consumed by the boy's complete skinny figure. I was short so I reached his about the small of his back. My hands gripped his shirt and my hair hid my pulsing cheeks.

"You can come out now" came the gruff voice from above me.

I looked up at the boy who now my substitute Hatori, for the time being of course. He chuckled and offered me his arms. I was confused. He laughed again and scooped me up rather awkwardly I must say. He carried me the way anyone else would carry a baby unlike the way Hatroi did; my legs wrapped around his waist, as was the style for children my age. He and the blond boy walked me up the stairs. I hovered there in the boy's arms a bit uncomfortable but I didn't complain since I was small enough to feel at ease. He sat me down on the window ledge and he and the other boy stood before me.

"Do you talk?" asked the dark headed one, the one who carried me.

I looked up and realized that I wasn't afraid of them, but there was definitely something odd about the dark haired one. Something was off, but my young mind could only understand so much.

"Yes" my small voice said.

"Good" said the dark haired one with a wide smile.

"What's your name?" Curiosity took over me as I asked this question.

He leaned forward, his hands on his knees until he was eye level with me.

"Beyond" he smiled.

Beyond? That was a name?

"Beyond what?" I asked.

"Birthday" he answered.

I frowned.

"That's a long name," I pouted.

He looked at me and silence filled the room.

"B is shorter," I reasoned.

A few minutes of silence filled and then he burst into laughter.

"How old are you?" said the blond one.

"I'm six and three months" I replied.

"Your pretty small to be six" chuckled the blond.

"And three months" I pushed in my small voice.

They both laughed. It was odd because I was serious. I pouted.

"None of that" chuckled the blond one.

A moment of silence went through and I looked around. In the room next the wall across from me was a large white board with numbers along it. I looked over and frowned. The numbers were wrong. The pattern was wrong. The little plus signs were proof of that. I remember Hatroi showed me the way to do what he called "advance math". Sarah, my mother for all intents and purposes, didn't like it. She said I needed to talk with kids my own age more and forget about studying. It wasn't my fault I got along better with numbers and words than children. I repeated the notions and found that I was right.

I was pulled from that as another boy joined the group we had formed, which quieted the conversation the blond one and the black haired was were having. It was the boy from the office. He and the dark haired boy stared off for a while then his eyes darted to me. While he and the other dark haired boy stood side by side I could tell they looked similar in features that is. B…Be…Was it Believe? No, that wasn't right, but then what was his real name? It was odd. I knew it started with a B though.

"Hello" he said in monotone like the dark one had spoken.

I blinked. This boy was similar to B, but this new guy had an aura like my own. He wasn't as…wrong as B.

"It's ok. He's harmless," said B.

"I can speak for myself, thank you," said the newly arrived boy.

Silence was the only answer.

"Hello" I greeted.

The boy's eyes were wide and he stuck his thumb into his mouth, he bit down slightly at the tip. I looked at him do that and smiled.

"Is something funny?" he asked generally curious.

"I used to do that too, but Hatori didn't like it so he put band aids on my fingers to stop me" I giggled.

His lips twitched.

"I see. That is funny," he said emotionlessly.

I smiled.

He leaned down to meet my eyes. His face was inches from mine, but I trusted him a bit more than B.

"I won't tell if you don't," he said.

I blinked, surprised. I nodded and pushed my thumb into my mouth too.

"Did you like the tour?" he asked resuming to his hunched position.

I nodded.

"But she's only seen the second floor. Maybe we should take her to the kitchen now," said B.

"There's no need. I'm here now and will act as her charge and guide," the new boy replied.

Silence was the reply again.

"It's wrong," I said.

"Hmm?" asked the new boy.

"The problem over there. It's wrong" I clarified.

He walked over to the board and stuck his thumb in his mouth again.

"Your right. It is wrong. Do you know the right answer?" he said.

I nodded and repeated the answer I had figured out a while ago.

His lips twitched again and he praised me.

"Very good" he said with no emotion again.

I smiled.

"Your intellect is lacking vastly, A. You were just outsmarted by a five year old who shouldn't even be able to do basic math. Despite the fact that she is greatly advanced for her age, you should know better, due to the difference in age and the highly advanced courses you should be passing. Emphasis on should. If you are to succeed me, I need the best, and as of now I'm convinced that it is not you."

I stared open eyed, my rosy lips parted. Even if the new boy's tone was not harsh or angry, the words sliced the air with such strength I felt I was being scolded. Even then, I didn't fully understand the situation.

"You may go now if you'd like. Though Rodger would like a word with you…" said the new boy.

My eyebrows furrowed.

"His name's Beyond" I supplied.

Three pairs of eyes snapped to mine in an instant. Oops, what did I do? I wanted to hide, but couldn't find anyone suitable to run behind.

"I know," said Elliot whispered, looking away.

The two boys felt silently. The new boy looked at me and for the first time since meeting him, he smiled a genuine smile.

"May I?" he asked holding out his arms.

I remembered the awkward embrace B had done but I didn't want to judge by one wrong embrace. I nodded and opened my arms to him. He lifted me the way Hatori did and I wrapped my arm around his neck. He took me downstairs to the kitchen but on the bottom stair I looked back up and saw B with a mixed expression.

"Bye B" I said with a smile.

He just stared.

"Goodbye Clarissa" he said with a smile.

"Where's Hatori?" I asked.

"Outside by the car" he answered.

We entered the kitchen and Mrs. C, the plump lady, greeted the boy with a slap on the hand as he tried to reach for a cookie. She muttered about prohibiting desserts before supper. I was greeted with a pinch on the cheek. He and I walked out quickly grumbling under his breath about bad, cheap labor. I didn't really want to leave, but I was tired. I didn't mind joining Hatori on his "business trips" anymore. After all, I had my new Hatori substitute. I looked up at the boy and pulled out my hand that I had hid behind him. His eyes widened at the cookie that was bigger than my palm.

"I won't tell if you don't," I whispered.

I couldn't come back with Hatori once more before he told me we were we would have to stay away for a while, he said the orphanage was covered and his services where no longer needed until a few months…and it was only two weeks later that I realized I never told anyone, let alone B, my real name. There was a mystery at this orphanage and I was going to figure it out.

"Bye…um…" I called out.

"Please Clarissa, call me L."

Yaaaaaaaay! We are all done with chapter one! Please tell me what you think, was it good, bad, okay, did it make your eyes bleed? Please don't hesitate to inform me. I really hope I did a good job on L, its really hard to write a dialogue for a character that already exists; I'm so used to making up my own. But anyway, a challenge is always something I want so here it goes! Thanks everyone and don't forget:

PLEASE REVIEW! (IT MAKES L HAPPY!)


	2. Chapter 2

*Good morning, good afternoon, good night, to all you people in the world! I know this took a while, a long while, but I needed for this chapter to be as perfect as I felt necessary. Now, I have a whole game plan for this but I want to know your opinion too, because I am nothing without my readers. I'm planning on following the anime storyline, just because it was more enjoyable in my opinion. But anyway, I want to know how much BB should be in this story. Even though he is not part of the anime or manga (I think he's implied once) but I did read Another Note: The L.A BB Murder Case and I loved it. Plus, I wanted to start from the beginning before Kira comes in (which he will of course. You gotta love Light and his creepy laugh.) But I want my OC to be right at the roots of Death Note, so sorry if my first chapter was really slow but this chapter I am totally speeding things up! So, please give me your thoughts on these subjects I really want to know. I mean, things start happening and the story begins. So, thanks all you readers and I hope you join me on this ride.

~I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE (IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED). NO CHARACTER IS MINE EXCEPT MY VERY OWN OC. ENJOY!

Ch. 2

I watched my prey from between the layers of overlapping leaves, the cold snow covered ground seeping into the underside of my boot. I didn't need to crouch down in order for the giant mass of laves from the bush to conceal my form for I was a very small six year old. I watched my target, BB, as I poised for attack. From my point of view, due to my small stature, he looked like a palm tree in my eyes; skinny body as the lanky trunk and his dark tendrils as the leaves.

Suddenly, I jumped out with a small battle cry and after dragging my legs through the calf high snow, my chubby arms wrapped around the torso of my prey and my shouts had dissolved into giggles. My prey retaliated by lifting me up into a tight embrace. I called foul, but B said it was a fair counter attack since I "had cuteness and stealth" in my favor. I highly agreed. We played a little more in the snow and made snow angels together.

"That lady, the one in the car, is she your mother?" he asked.

"No, she's Hatori's lady friend" I responded.

"Is that what he calls her, hn. She doesn't like us, I can tell. She's scrunching her nose at us."

I had been looking up at the sky watching the white clouds slowly mesh together as they moved simultaneously.

"Yes, but don't worry, she doesn't like me either. She only always comes over when I'm supposed to be asleep, but I don't see the point, her shoes are very loud, I know she's there. She's not very smart, you know."

He laughed.

"She doesn't have to be, most people are only liked because their pretty."

"Is that why Hatori's marrying her?" I asked.

"Maybe."

"Maybe he loves her" I supplied.

"No, that's not it."

"How do you know?"

"Just because he smiles and holds her hand doesn't prove anything. It might scream affection, but telling from her slightly swollen abdomen, it's past that point already."

"Oh."

"So you see, love doesn't really exist. Just like house sized jars of jam."

We both sighed.

I was conflicted; according to my very accurate (and very enjoyable) Disney movies a prince was the ideal husband and almost always ensured a 'happily ever after', while B's opinion seemed dull and lonely. But which was the truth? Maybe a husband was like a friend, I did always hear Hatori and his fiancé always laughing and hugging, that was no different than what I did with B and A. So, maybe marriage was nothing special, just a prolonged friendship. But, did I want to be friends with someone like B forever? No, I decided, not B, but what if it were someone like the Prince in my movies, someone who would always save the princess from the dragon. That seemed like a much better scenario.

A clump of snow hit the square of B's jaw startled us from our reveres. A was huddled behind a tree snickering. B and I jumped up and took position to fight back against the blonde. It was rare when he ever came out of his room. We played for a majority of the afternoon until in mid game everything had seemed to freeze, except for my snowballs. I looked around to why they stopped only to see them staring at something behind me with mixed expressions. B had one of both anger and envy. A had one of both awe and fear. I looked back only to see a person shifting his weight with his hands stuffed in his pockets. I smiled at the form behind me.

"Hello, L!" I smiled.

"Hello" he replied monotonously.

There was silence.

"Do you want to play with us?" I asked.

"I suppose; it would give me a few minutes of break."

The silence was thick and heavy. I shuffled over to L with a big snowball in my palms. I handed it over only to see that it was small when fitted into his palm. I frowned.

"It's perfect, don't pout."

I looked up and broke into a smile. From there we had two teams, and L and I were the winners. He had saved me from many of B's tough throws; in all truth it seemed they were the only one playing since all of B's focus was on L. From there, L and I made a medium sized snowman that was about my height. I loved it like a brother. But since we both made it, I suppose it was like our child. Everyday, I came out to check on it and fix the purple hat that B had put on it. L proved to be a great friend from there on, though he rarely ever came out of his room, let alone the house. Nonetheless, he was someone I wanted to be friends with forever.

One day, after our day of snow fun, both A and B were heading inside I pulled on L's sleeve.

"I've decided something," I chirped.

His big eyes stared unblinkingly.

"And what would that be?" he drawled.

"Well, after a thinking about it, I decided that we should get married."

He blinked, pushing his thumb into his mouth.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes! I'm positive."

The corners of his mouth pulled up into one of his rare smiles.

"Alright then, we will get married."

I smiled and grabbed his hand. This continued on for years, and I truly believed I was one day going to marry L, and our snow child would grow big and smart like him. One could only wish.

*************** 7 years later ****************

I bounced in my seat in anticipation, my heart beating faster as we approached our destination. It seemed as if the car wasn't fast enough to satisfy my need for a fast arrival and I swung my legs faster. I leaned against the dashboard of the sedan as the gates opened. I wiggled in my seat and I unfastened my seat belt and had the door open before the car had even stopped. I jumped out of the car, much to Hartoi's dismay, and ran to the man who stood in the front of the door with a smile on his aged face.

"Watari!" I yelled gleefully, hugging him tightly.

"Hello, dear" he chuckled.

"Are they all here?" I asked anxiously.

"Yes. They are expecting you."

A knot of butterflies wound in my stomach and I twiddled my thumbs nervously.

"Go on, dear. I'll help Hatori with the bags and such."

I nodded and walked inside. The house was empty and I proceeded up the stairs into the hallway and to the ledge where I had sat with B every time I had visited since I first came here. It's been a few years though, but I doubted they would look completely different than I remembered. I looked around and spotted a figure at the end of the hallway.

"B…?" I asked, a little nervous.

"Expecting someone else?" the voice came.

I smiled and ran to embrace my best friend; mostly because he was the only official friend I had ever had. L didn't count, after a few months or so we went our separate ways.

"B!" I giggled.

He was taller, and I mean much taller. No fifteen year old should be this mature in size, it was very unnatural. I voiced this and he laughed.

"Your still as short as I remember" he mused.

"Liar" I seethed.

We walked up to our favorite ledge where we spent our days together, either reminiscing or catching up. But it seemed every time I saw B, something in his eyes were changing; his face was paler and his eyes were darker. His body was rigid and thinner as if something horrible was slowly destroying him from the inside out. His posture was odd; he sat on his haunches now, something he never did in our first month of being friends. Slowly though, his back had arched forward and he seemed to be hunched inward like a dead insect.

It seemed, much to my dismay that he was resembling L, though B's hair was longer and looked uncared for. It wasn't that I disliked L, he was a nice boy, but ever since he first introduced me to the 'ways of Whammy's', as he so eloquently put it, he and I never really spoke anymore. He said that it was time for all of us to mature, something I never really wanted to do. He was always locked up in his room working on some project, all of which he told me nothing about. I blinked myself out of my daze to notice B staring at me with peculiar expression.

"You have such pretty skin, so translucent. Your pulse is pumping quietly under your skin. Your numbers are so high."

"What numbers?" I asked confused.

"The numbers of life of course."

I blinked. I was used to B's constant nonsense. He spoke of odd things that I didn't understand. But I ignored it; B was my friend so I learned to smile and not question it. I smiled uneasily and we shifted into an awkward silence. Something was not right about him.

"A killed himself" he said suddenly.

I froze; it was like my entire body and mind ceased to work. My eyes widened involuntarily and my heartbeat was no longer audible.

"What?" I whispered.

"He did it a few days ago. He couldn't handle it…the pressure. All the numbers were gone. They were none left," B said indifferently.

My mind told me it was logical, I had noticed some signs but I thought nothing of it, but my heart was refusing to comprehend.

"No, he can't be…" my voice hitched and caught in my throat as tears left my eyes.

I looked up at B through my tears that blurred my vision. B was looking at nothing and slowly let out a strange laugh, a distorted cackle that sent shivers down my back.

"He couldn't handle it; the weight of being L. The madness of it crushed him, cut him all over until he bled out, slowly. He couldn't handle it… "

He was bringing up his hand, thumb first and putting it against his lip. I grabbed his wrist and flung it down to his side.

"Stop it, just stop!" I yelled.

He watched me with a leveled expression. No emotion was seen on his face but I could see a glint in his eyes that scared me to the core. I was watching my friend slowly deteriorating into something else, he was no longer the boy I played with in the snow, his smile no longer reached his eyes. Whatever was in front of me was no longer my friend that I grew up with, and it killed me inside. My anger and despair mixed and I could no longer contain my angst.

"Your not like him, B. You never will be like him."

"I will beat L, I will win in the end" he said calmly.

"There's no competition, B. I can see what you're doing, the way you're sitting and walking…"

"I need to know my competition as much as I know myself. Then, I can win. I can beat L at his own game. I have to." He gritted his teeth.

His eyes were unfocused, fixated at the wall.

"No! Listen to me B…you can't be him. No matter how much you try. You will never, ever be L."

"I know that" he replied.

"No you don't. I don't want you to end up like A. I can't loose another friend, B. Please" I pleaded.

"A was weak, he couldn't take it!"

"A was our friend! You're my friend, B, my best friend. Please don't do this."

"No, I will be something, I will prove to that to L!"

"What do you mean? You are something B, please," I said softly.

He smiled and shook his head. Abruptly he stood up.

"Where are you going?" I asked desperately.

"To beat L, with whatever it takes" he demanded.

"You can't kill him, I won't let you become a murderer…" I started backing towards the end of the hall.

"I can't kill him. He has too much time left."

"Time…? What are you talking about?" I said exasperated, my hands quivering with anxiety.

His eyes pierced through me, his lips pulled into a tight grin.

"Your time will come too, don't worry. Such a shame, I won't be there to see all your numbers disappear. Or maybe I will, I'm not sure, I can never see my numbers."

I had no understanding of his babble. Nothing he said made sense. I edged back towards the direction that L's room was in. Watari had told me that L was important, he had explained, though vaguely, that without L, chaos would ensue. I didn't understand how one boy held so much importance but as I saw L on his rare outings I could see it was true. His lids were hung tiredly, his arms hung low, and his legs dragging against the ground. His back was hunched and his eyes…they were empty, like all the joy and happiness that I grew up with had spilled out and the bleakness of reality had filled the space.

"You're my only friend. You can't leave me B," I whispered.

"Watch me," he said, his cackle echoing along the hallway.

I was knocking hysterically at the large white door. The deep brown walls were blurred from my view due to the tears that were falling down my cheeks. B had left, I hadn't even seen him walk out the front door; after a few long moments of me running and crying in my room I had decided to go after him and talk him into staying but his room was empty except for some disturbing pictures and writing on the walls.

Large words were written in black marker, the drawings were twisted and distorted. There were small knives and small sharp tools along the floor of his room. Small dead animals with their stomachs torn open and claws yanked out were spread out along his desk. Next to the carcasses were diagrams of the animal's insides with B's handwritten notes along the margins. These were his experiments. I clamped my hand against my mouth and ran straight for the bathroom.

Now, I was banging on the door of the only person who could console me, the only person left in Whammy's really. After a few minutes, the door opened to darkness except for the shine of a computer screen. The figure before me assessed my condition with wariness and scratched his head indecisively. I swallowed all nervousness and embarrassment and hugged him tightly as a dam of tears broke through. L, always the master of hiding his emotions, tensed. His entire body went rigid obviously telling me to get off. But I didn't, I couldn't. He didn't say anything but he didn't push me off either.

"I can't do this anymore" I sobbed.

L said nothing.

"I hate this, I hate feeling. Everyone's leaving me; my parents are dead, Hatori is married with three kids of his own, and now B's leaving. I can't…" My sobs grew.

Finally, I pulled way from L's waist and look up into his steady gaze.

"I want to be like you; I want to think with my head not my heart. I don't want to feel anymore. Please help me."

L stared for a few seconds and closed the door to his room. I followed him down the stairs to Watari's office. He looked at me once before reaching the bottom step and, to my complete and utter shock, patted my head. He was only two years older than me, but he looked wise, his eyes holding knowledge of the darkest corners of life. I immediately wrapped my arms around him to, much to his discomfort, and smiled.

"Thank you, L," I whispered.

*Whoo, that was long, but enjoyable I hope. I wanted to make B kind of crazy, but I don't think it worked very well. I gave it a shot right? I hope I get points for that. I was going to delete that part but didn't just to see how it would turn out. B is a really unique character so I gave it my best shot. Sorry if it seemed that I exploded information or crammed two small chapters into one, but I wanted to get to the point already. Sooo, tell me what you think: thumbs up, thumbs down, middle finger; it's all welcomed! So please, give me your opinions and tell me if I made any mistakes or errors or if I just ruined it. So please don't be afraid and don't forget:

*PLEASE REVIEW! IT MAKES L SMILE (WHICH IS RARE, SO YOU'D BETTER ACT FAST!)


	3. Chapter 3

*Hey, hey, everyone. Guess what, since I hadn't posted anything after chapter one in like forever, I decided to post this chapter too! I know no one reads this part because no one wants to hear the author ramble, but I thought it was necessary. This was kind of a rushed chapter, sorry you guys , but it needed to be done. I didn't do much editing so feel free to tell me any errors that I did. I did bring in some characters, which I hope you love, to sort of speed up the story. So, not to waste anymore of your time, on with the story and I hope you enjoy it! Sorry for the major time jump and all, but I don't think you all want to know every detail of everyday. It's too tedious.

*I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE, UNFORTUNATELY. (IF I DID L WOULD BE MY HUSBAND AND WATARI WOULD GIVE US CAKE NON-STOP!) I ONLY OWN MY CHARACTER AND MY VERSION OF WHAMMY'S.

Ch. 3

The room was dark, my bed vacant and unused for days. The curtains were pulled shut and mountains of papers were scattered along the corners of the bedposts. I had my head prompted in my palm with a book nudged against my arm. I was immensely tired and had only written thirteen of my twenty paged analytical thesis on Human Behavior and Thought. To add to this, my project on Inductive and Deductive Reasoning, which was given to us this morning, was due this evening and I had little time to finish it. After years of this, I should be used to this.

Whammy's wasn't a school per se, it was a home for the most part but it did offer classes, taught by Rodger, to further enhance our knowledge to one day be in par with L. Once my adoption papers were in, and I became an official member of Whammy's, I was quickly put into training to become just like L. At first, I did not understand what this concept meant, but once Watari explained, since L was silent throughout the entire ordeal, I was first in line to become the next greatest detective and an all time genius. It didn't dawn on me how much weight was resting on my shoulders; now I knew how both A and BB had felt.

Watari had brought in a hoard of newly talented children, all ranging in different ages, so we were all crammed up in one room learning all the things that Rodger had to teach us. We hardly ever saw Watari, let alone L, mostly because he had taken the liking to international travel. We were all on our own.

By the time evening hit, I had finished all my homework. I slipped on some shoes and sauntered out of my room with self-pride. Quickly and quietly I made my way over to Rodger's office and turned in my work.

"Miss" said Rodger, I'm pretty sure he only knew a select amount of students "names" and I was not one of them.

"Yes, sir?"

"We have a new student, he's quite young. He arrived two days ago but refuses to speak or attend classes. Since I am to do be teaching class this afternoon, as per usual, I would like you to go and encourage the student and give a warm welcoming."

I frowned.

"But…I have my work which I need to finish. Important things that I need to do by morning. Plus…I don't know how to give someone a warm welcoming. I don't have, you know, the touch."

He stared then sighed in defeat.

"I see, being the longest to reside here I thought you would be able to uphold some sort of sympathy or duty towards the newer students. I suppose I was wrong. Never mind, set your completed work in the pile over there and hurry on to do your work."

I nodded once with a small frown of shame on my face. He flicked his wrist lightly.

"You are excused."

I dropped my eyes with a nod and turned on my heels to walk out of the office. I felt somewhat ashamed of not following Rodger's orders but what else was I to do? Speaking to other people wasn't really my strong suit as it once was. Being shut in this house with no one my age was agitating that I lost all sense of human conversion. I was stuck in isolation with nothing but work to fill my time. I had turned nineteen today and classes had become much more challenging. Only the younger ones were able to have a few minutes of break to rest their minds, but for the older ones like me our only break was lunch and dinner.

An hour after dinner, we always gathered in the common room for L to speak to us. That was where I was headed and was currently two minutes late. That was a key point at Whammy's: always be punctual. Everyone was there in the small room. The long curtains were pulled opened and a large screen was prompted on a large mahogany desk. The dark letter L was shinning in contrast to the white background as a mechanical voice was coming out of the speakers.

The small children were staring at awe at the screen, they were new a few weeks into the training and they seemed promising or so Rodger had muttered a few times during dinner. Throughout the years that I had been here we had seen a constant flow of children come and go. It was an orphanage of course, a very exclusive one at that. Our class never consisted of anything that Rodger could not handle. Those that were not smart enough to stay up in their studies were taken out of the fight to become the next L. They merely had all the perks of the orphanage minus the stress and pressure that the classes had. They longed to be like us, and I longed to like them; free and young.

"I have sent four new teachers from various parts of Europe to teach you all several languages. I hope this will make you all happy, many of you were saying that you wanted to travel internationally as well, so here is your chance to maybe accomplice that" spoke the computerized voice.

Many of the children giggle with glee, some nearly exploding with enthusiasm. I just sat there quietly. From there, we were each allowed to ask L a question. Everyone else was shaking with anticipation. Since any other announcements were unlikely to follow I took this time to slip out of the room. No one else seemed to notice for all of their attention was turned towards L.

I was in the library reading. This was where the climax of my day was. I had read nearly every book in this library twice, including the encyclopedias and dictionaries. I scrolled through every aisle until I found one worth reading. I finished it in an hour. Walking out I heard some scuffling coming from the Mystery aisle, or so I called it since I rearranged every book to its genre. I peered over to see a boy about eleven or so trying to reach a book on the top shelf.

He was dressed in an all black ensemble. He had straight blond locks falling to his chin. He was fair skinned with ice blue eyes, which were narrowed dramatically in concentration. He tired in vain to reach the book; he jumped up as high as his legs would take him with no avail. Fuming he stomped him foot and turned to meet my glare. His eyes widened with momentary shock and embarrassment. Then they narrowed again to small slits.

"Well, are going to stand there or are you going to help me?" he demanded.

My brows furrowed momentarily then I felt something shift in my face. It was odd, yet familiar. With shock I realized I was smiling. The boy was looking at me with a confused face. I walked over and stood on my toes to reach the book that he wanted. I handed it to him with an even bigger smile. My cheeks hurt from the force but I was glad to have some sort of feeling.

"What's so funny?" he growled, crossing his arms.

He wasn't so menacing at such a short height. He was like a kitten that thought he was a tiger. All the children here were either to engrossed with their studies to be amusing or too young and annoying. This boy was fresh, or so he seemed. He had something that we all lost within a few months here; emotion.

"Nothing, your just so cute" I laughed.

I blinked, I had laughed. It was something I hadn't done since becoming a member of Whammy's. The boy's cheeks reddened and his eyes popped open. I laughed again, loving the feeling. I could read every emotion on his face, and I enjoyed it. I loved to see emotion, not in a book, not in a chart, but on a persons face. My words had made his react, something many of the other students would no do. Where had all my laughter and happiness gone over the years?

"Miss" came Rodger's voice.

I looked at him questioningly.

"L would like a word with you, momentarily."

Oh right, that's where it went. It all came down to L and how I was supposed to be in order to become like him. My smile faded and I nodded.

Walking out as swiftly as I could I tried to think why L would want to talk to me. Then I turned around to the little boy who was watching us both go. He had taken out a silver, rectangular object. He unwrapped it with narrowed eyes.

"By the way, what's your name?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow and took a bite of the substance that resided underneath the silver wrapping. With a loud snap he had ripped a piece off of the substance and began to chew it.

"Mello" he said with a small smile.

The drawing room was dark, the curtains having been drawn closed. It was hollow with only the brightly lit computer screen giving off light. I walked in behind Rodger, my shoe clacking against the floorboards. Rodger looked anxious, there was sweat beading along his forehead. His wrung his hands in nervousness and managed a tight smile.

"Here she is L," he announced.

I raised an eyebrow. He quickly walked out of the room closing it slowly behind him. I took few calming breaths and looked towards the computer screen. There was a thickness in the atmosphere and none of us spoke. I felt uncomfortable standing there in front of a computer. The camera was on but there was no emotion coming from the machine. I cast my eyes to the ground and bit my lip.

"You asked for me L?" I said, finally breaking the prolonged silence.

He didn't respond for some time.

"Yes. I did."

Silence.

"And…?" I drawled, slightly irritated.

"You will be joining Watari and I on a special case. It is of great importance. The car is parked outside already so you must pack immediately."

"No, thank you" I responded.

"Excuse me?" he muttered sounding neither shocked nor angry, just his usual indifference.

"I don't wish to go on a case quite yet, I'm not prepared. I'd rather stick to theoretical criminals please."

He made an unintelligible sound.

"I see, well, unfortunately this case needs you expertise."

"I'm sorry L, but I can't."

"Can't or won't?" he asked, the computerized voice never wavering.

"Both" I said sternly.

"Why so reluctant I wonder, isn't leaving this place, even for a while, what you crave? Rodger has told me about your progress; you are smart but lack the spirit. What has happened to you, I wonder."

It was like he was talking to himself. I frowned.

"I guess I'm just a puzzle you can't solve, L."

"I suppose you are, for now anyway. Enlighten me please; tell me why you refuse to take this case with me. Are you really afraid that you won't be able to take on the criminal or is it simply because I will be there."

"It's not like that…I mean, ok, I'm not afraid that I can't—It's not that I don't…" I drifted off, lost for words.

He said nothing.

"You left with out asking me a question," he muttered.

I scoffed. Was he holding a grudge? I could just picture a pout on his face, though I haven't seen him in two years.

"Not just this time but everyday. You never ask me anything. You just leave without even saying goodbye."

He sounded so…sad, even behind his computerized voice.

We both stood in silence. I bit my lip and stared at the ground. Why didn't I want to go? This was a chance that every child at Whammy's had wanted, one that was extremely rare. I didn't know why I didn't want to go, it was odd. So many emotions were swirling, most of which I had pushed to the bottom of my heart. L's next words shocked me, held me in place like I had been frozen.

"There's a series of murders and I am ninety six percent sure that the killer is BB."

The room seemed to darken, its shadows cascading from the corners to engulf the walls around me. I looked at the tiny camera above the screen.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm ninety six percent-"

That was enough for me.

"Alright, I'll go."

He said nothing.

Turning on my heel I left without another word to go upstairs and pack my things. My head was spinning and I felt a wave of determination wash all over me. It was BB, I hadn't heard of him in years, he along with my feelings were something I pushed to the back of my mind a long time ago.

Walking up the staircase I saw a little boy with a hat pushed down on his head obscuring any of his locks to be seen. He was lugging his suitcase up the stairs with great difficulty. I walked up to him and lifted up the bulging case. He looked up, started. He had something dangling from his neck and fresh tears cascading down his cheeks. He sniffed and rubbed his eyes in a cute way.

"Thank you, Miss."

"I'm C. Where's your room?" I asked.

He pointed up the stairs.

"I'm supposed to choose a room mate, but everyone was so…"

I raised an eyebrow. There were a couple of young boys who were very competitive and didn't take a new player in the game to be the next L very lightly. I frowned as I looked at the little boy next to me. He needed someone strong to give him confidence. For all I knew, this was the next L, but he could not become so unless he had a boost.

I had an idea.

I walked down a long corridor and stopped. I went into Rodger's room and asked for directions to a specific child's room. Rodger raised an eyebrow and gave the information. I quickly led the little boy to the room and knocked on the door.

I turned to little boy whose tears had dried. He was looking down at the ground.

"Look, this boy is nice. He'll make sure no one else messes with you."

I hoped at least. The door swung open to reveal a large television on pause. The person peered over the door with narrowed eyes and frowned.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"This is you new roommate," I said pointing to the boy with the hat.

"I don't want a roommate," he protested.

I frowned, trying to think of a way to persuade him.

The little boy with the hat peered into the room.

"Is that…the latest Turbo Trader, with seventeen new sets of weapons, forty new game plans, and seven alternate endings with an all new dimension only unlocked when you reach seventh circle of hell after destroying the zombie army from space?"

I was gaping. Nothing he said made any sense.

"Yes! Do you play?" asked the boy behind the door.

"Of course."

"What's you name, roommate?" asked boy opening the door wide.

The boy with the hat shuffled in, giving me a wide smile and taking off his hat revealing a head full of red hair.

"Matt" he replied.

"I'm Mello."

They both smiled at each other and Mello closed the door giving me a smirk as he did. I had a feeling that they would get along well. I turned to walk away and saw Rodger standing at the end of the hallway. He shook his head and smiled.

"Don't have the touch, eh?" he asked.

I stuttered trying to explain myself then, not knowing what to say, closed my mouth and walked by him towards my room to get my things. Finished I walked outside and climbed into the shiny black limo that was parked in the drove way. I climbed in and looked back at Whammy's Orphanage, giving it a small wave as I was leaving, if my plan went accordingly, for good.

*All right guys, what did you think? Like I said I tried to rush all the details and set up so we can get back to L! I miss him, and I hope you do too. So, if you hadn't noticed I introduced some character; Matt and Mello! I was so excited t bring them in, although it was fast I just had to. And yes, the video game I mentioned DOES NOT EXIST. I made it all up (sorry, if a game like this actually exists.) I'm good with video games, I don't know any. Sorry if this was a whiplash of a chapter but I needed this. If this seemed like filler chapter, well yeah, I guess it was. But hey, BB's back! So soon? Yes, I didn't want to dwell, sorry everyone. But please share your thoughts and I'll try to update as soon as possible. (The faster you review, the faster I update, just saying.)

~L LOVES REVIEWS AS MUCH AS HE LOVES CAKE, SO MAKE HIM HAPPY!


	4. Important Information!

IMPORTANT!

I am so, so sorry, I just realized that my chapter 2 was a copy of my chapter 1. So, so sorry. I made the changes right away and now the proper chapter 2 is up. So sorry, I had no idea. It was a mistake and I am deeply sorry. I moved this around so there are now three chapters up and in order. I will check regularly to make sure all is well.

Ok, someone was saying that my Oc was a little to "perfect" and yes, it may seem that way. She seems to know all the answers and the whole Matt and Mello thing. Well, here's how it is. My Oc is smart enough to pass A, even at such a young age, and everyone at Whammy's knows it. (P.S, I was going to make this obvious in other chapters, but I needed to sort of explain myself. No spoilers though!) So, she is a genius and years and years of Whammy's have made even better. She has the potential to become the next L, she thinks with her head not her heart. She is, in all terms, perfect to succeed L. But, as I did state in chapter 3, she had all the potential and brains to become great as L, but she lacks the spirit. Every one has their drive, L: to give out justice, A: to become as great as his Idol L, B: to become someone and beat L. But C, my OC, lacks that passion. This is what holds her back from greatness at this point in the story. (So far at least...I'm not telling!) She does have the will power to become as great as L. A strong mind is not all that makes a great person. And, so far, Clarissa does not have that. I will try to make this clear in the next chapter, I hope. It's only been three chapters though, so the plot and underlying twists and turns have not come out yet.

Well, I hope this clears things up. i just needed to say this and hopefully, make things clearer on my story. But since I am guilty of messing up big time, I will post a new chapter later on today.


	5. Chapter 4

*All right, here is the newest chapter that I promised. I do hope you all read my little information notice. See, as an author I needed to clear the air. I hope I did just that, so I'm crossing my fingers! Thank you for all your reviews, I love honesty! Your reviews are what make me a better writer so I thank you all! So…here's the next chapter, it was written somewhat fast my posting won't be as fast as it has been because I do have a process of editing and what not. So, I'm going to try to make an effort of posting a new chapter every week or so. Thank you all for your patience and understanding. Moving on…!

*I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE, NOT OUTSIDE MY DREAMS OF COURSE. (L AND I LIVE IN LAND OF GIANT STRAWBERRIES WITH RIVERS OF TEA.) I ONLY CREATED MY OC AND MY VERSION OF WHAMMY'S.

Chapter 4

It has been years since I've seen L and it seemed like time had seemed to enhance certain features in him. His face was paler, his hair had grown longer and messier, which I thought wasn't even possible, and the circles underneath his eyes were darker like smeared eyeliner. He was much taller and thinner, his face angular and slimmer than the boyish roundness that I remembered. His arms and legs were thin but slight ripples of muscle were visible despite the bagginess of his clothing, which hung off his bony shoulders. I assessed him while he did the same with his eerie grey eyes. I felt weak and powerless under his gaze but I didn't waver.

"It's nice to see you again, C."

Wow, his voice was so deep.

"You too…L."

I kept my head held high.

"Would you like some cake?" he asked.

"No."

"Some tea?"

"No."

"Your loss" he muttered uncaringly taking a bite of a strawberry cake.

He finished his little piece of cake before shaking the plate that was supposedly mine.

"You sure? Last chance," he said.

I looked away and studied the room's wallpaper. It was nice, very neutral. The colors were very…beige.

"How have you been, C? You seem very tense."

"Tell me about the case L" I pressed, all this talk was distracting.

He pressed his lips together and stared. I refused to look at him still so I focused on the design along the curtain. I could feel his eyes assessing my expression and body language, his mind forming theories. But it was all the same, everything that I was used to. So I waited until it was over.

"I figure we should talk, it's been a while since we've seem each other."

"It's just been two years."

"Yes, but even then all we exchanged were a few words. It was hardly a reunion."

"Well, maybe you should visit more often. I'm sure the kids would love that."

"I visit the orphanage often. I was there twice last month, but I never see you there. Why is that?"

"I'm busy" I reply hastily, still observing the curtains.

"I see" his voice rumbled void of any emotion.

Watari came in at that moment, and I was entirely grateful. It seemed that not only L had changed. Watari had grown older, his hair was finer and his wrinkles more prominent. But his smile held the same warmth. Like a moth to a flame I welcomed Watari's warm nature. I jumped and embraced the elderly man telling him how much I had missed his presence at that dull institution called "home." After a few minutes of talk he proceeded to bring in desserts, which seemed to be L's only form of nourishment. We ate in silence, him staring at me while I poked at my strawberry shortcake. I couldn't take his intense gaze anymore.

"So, the case?"

"Ah yes. Here are the necessary documents. Read through them and tell me what you think."

I nodded and began to scan through the police reports. I frowned as I felt his eyes on me. There was noise, just the sound of me shuffling through the papers. None of us spoke and his gaze was burning holes into the side of my face. I was very irritated and uncomfortable. Was there no television in this place that he could watch? Was I really that interesting? I cocked any eyebrow at him.

"Am I amusing to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been staring at me the whole time, L."

"It's only been a few minutes, C. Plus, it's been a while since I've seen you. Your entire features have changed. I am simply committing it to memory."

With a disinterested nod I was back to work. I read through piles of reports and victim records. I peered at the silent L only to be frozen by shock. He had a large stack of mini sugar cookies balancing on his hand. His eyes were concentrating as he endeavored to pile the last one on top. He narrowed his eyes as he gently placed it on the top. The stack itself was completely impressive; it towered over him as he kept his hand steady.

"You may help yourself," he said, his eyes never leaving his precious stack.

I nodded and peered over the table of sweets.

"Just how will you manage to fit that entire pile into your mouth?" I couldn't help but asked.

His eyes met mine.

"If there's a will, there's a way."

"I think this time, there is no way."

He stared and looked back to his tower, determined. I read over the rest of the piles when something caught my eye, something very important.

"L!" I yelled, standing swiftly and slamming the papers on the table.

This jolted him out of his "zone" and his hand twitched causing all the cookies to fall onto the table. He stared at the fallen cookies; some cracked in half due to the hard impact, and let his shoulders droop slightly. I was to excited to care.

"Look at this, victim number two. All the scratches along his chest mean something!"

"Yes" he said, trying to re-do his tower.

"And if you look at this, the numbers are roman numerals, and if you see the numbers they are not in order, and if this is true then it could be a code…and you already knew that," I finished lamely.

"Yes."

I slumped.

"Why didn't you say that before?" I muttered.

"Well, to my credit you didn't really give me a chance. I told you to read it over and tell me what you think. I thought it was implied that I had already read them thoroughly."

"Oh well, what do you think about the numbers?" I said.

And that was how we spend the next two weeks. L and I were throwing theories here and there all the while listening to what Ms. Naomi, a random FBI agent who L had put on the case, had to say on her observations of the crime scenes. Though L was always one step ahead, he was happy to have a confirmation to his ideas. The entire time I felt numb, like a machine. It was always like this at the orphanage but I at least had the safety of my room to let my guard down but I didn't have that here.

L never slept and I, as his…helper or partner of some sorts, had to adjust to his schedule. I crashed at around seven in the morning and awoke again at nine thirty. All the while I was surviving on sugar and sweets, which at first, was enough to get me through the first three days easily but, as they say, what come up must come down. I fell hard from my sugar rush and my body was not reacting well. I was constantly straining my eyes and mind to figure out the hidden clues in the pictures, only to find that L was two steps ahead. It was frustrating, but I did have my epiphanies that pushed our investigation forward. I was smart enough to pull my own weight.

Though, I was in the same room as him, not once did I speak to L about anything except business. My mind was set on the case; my goal was to save B from himself.

No matter how much L tried, I never listened.

No matter how much he insisted, I turned the other way

Because if I was being honest; I didn't care.

Finally, it came; BB was caught.

He had tried to kill himself, in the ultimate escape.

After all, L could never beat him if he was dead and gone.

No one would find out that it was him; he would be infamous.

But no one could beat L.

B was now behind bars in a prison, the very prison that I was headed to right now. It was a starless night, the grim colors matching my mood. I arrived at the prison, and lying my way into it was easy enough. I did, after all, forge my own FBI badge before coming here. I learned to always be prepared. L could come and go, but I didn't need his help. Not that he would have done it anyway. L hated B, I could see it, and that was what fueled my need to see B today. I needed to see if he was all right, if he was…satisfied. He was, after all, my best friend. Killer or not.

Fear was cascading throughout my body. I was wringing my hands in nervousness. The cell was a few feet away, but I couldn't bring myself to go. Slowly, I stepped forward, my feet robotically leading me to the cell. My body was shaking, but I kept my chin up. I peered into the cell to see…a monster.

His face was burned, distorted. His skin was blackened, no longer pale, and smooth as it once was. His entire being was gone; I couldn't recognize him any longer. He wasn't the sweet little boy who ate jam with me on summer mornings, the boy who helped me get over my fear of lightening during the stormy weather, the boy who would hold my hand every time a new student would arrive at the orphanage. B was my childhood, all my memories were filled with him, and every milestone of my youth was with him.

The world was shaking around me, crumbling slowly as my body slid to the ground. I could not process this; nothing was…real.

I was out of that prison, shaking and heaving air as if I was drowning. I needed to stop! I needed to keep these emotions inside.

'_Your emotions are your weakest point. Think with your head.' _

I remember Rodger tell me that after my first mental breakdown.

I kept repeating those words as I made my way back to the hotel we were staying at. B's face kept showing up in my mind. But no, I kept repeating Rodger's words, like a mantra. Over, and over, and over again…

"Hello, C. How was your trip?"

Over…

"Did you find everything you wanted?" he continued.

And over…

"Watari made cake, if you would like some. It is very delectable, in my opinion."

And over, again…

"C, if you like to –,"

"My name is Cassandra!"

My voice broke through the room, starling Watari from the kitchen.

L stared, unmoving and uncaring. His very presence was suffocating me, I was drowning again, and I couldn't breathe!

It was _him_; I needed to be away from _him_.

Slamming the door to my room I repeated my mantra over again. I needed it, like a lifeboat, I need it like air. I clenched my fists, trying to gather control.

"Are you alright?"

_He_ was here, standing at the door. He closed it silently, shifting his weight from leg to leg.

"I'm fine," I breathed.

My voice was calm; I was the perfect picture of "fine." I repeated my mantra again, willing my emotions to lock up like they usually do.

"You didn't seem fine. What is bothering you?"

"Can't you figure it out, Mr. Detective" my voice was straining to remain neutral.

A lump was in my throat but I swallowed it back down, my eyes stung but I fought them back.

"I can not be positive, is it something I did?"

His presence was too much. His stare, I couldn't take it.

"I'm fine, leave me alone" I heaved.

"C?"

"I can't stand you in here, leave!"

His expression didn't change.

"Me?"

And I broke, right there and then. My mantra disappeared and I broke. Years of effort and patience were erased. Poof. Rodger would be very disappointed.

"Yes, you! You, its you!" I yelled, slamming my fists against the bedpost.

L's eyes widened.

"I _hate_ you, I hate everything you do, everything you are! Nothing would have happened to him if you hadn't pushed him; A would be alive today, B would be happy and well, not burned into pieces like he is now! But you had to push and push and push and push! All this was for you, you! Mr. Perfect, Mr. Wonderful, Mr. Hero! All I hear is your name, they all have you on a pedestal, honoring the very ground you walk on while your left over's, your prototypes are left broken into pieces.

L, that all I hear: L! What about B! What about A! Do they not matter to you; do none of us matter to you? Well, they meant something to me; they were someone! I cared about them, while you just hated them, while you pushed them over the edge. It's your fault! You ruined them! You killed them! And I let you…I let you kill them…"

I was sobbing openly now, tears were running down my cheeks.

"I let him jump over the edge! Because of that, three other people are dead. I let them all die!"

My world was crashing all around me; waves of pain and anger were washing over me. I was ashamed, I was grieving, I was angry, I was hurting, and I was mourning…

I was free!

The tears flowing down my face were welcoming now. Each retching sob was easier then the last. I felt all the feeling I had felt burst out of me like a dam. The swirls of feelings were building in my chest as I welcomed them; I basked in them! My mind was shut off as I let my emotions burst through. My loud heaves died down though tears were still flowing. I took deep breaths to steady myself.

"Come here."

I looked up. L was still standing there, though his eyes were darker than before. Watari was standing next to me, offering me his hand; somehow I had curled up into myself and was kneeling on the ground. I took his hand and he led me to the kitchen, L's eyes never leaving my form. I was still crying, though my sobs had died down. Watari wrapped his arm around me as he sat me on a stool.

"C…" he began.

"My name is Clarissa," I said softly.

He smiled and pushed a cup of tea my way.

"Clarissa, I am so sorry. I can not imagine how you must feel."

I let the tears keep flowing, wondering when they would ever stop.

"But you must know, L has never taken his job lightly. He has such a great weight he must carry. Some of the cases he's worked on, the things he has seen, and it's no wonder he chooses not to sleep."

I blinked, and wiped my tears away.

"Beyond, made his own choices in his life, you can not blame L for all that has happened. Neither was A's death on any of your shoulder's. I know that you resent L; that you blame him for all the pain that has come upon A and B. You also blame yourself for this, as I heard. And in truth, I blame myself as well. But what good would it do to place blame on anyone? It will not change things, Clarissa," he said sadly.

I nodded sadly, and looked up to meet Watari's eyes. He went and pulled out the cake, a plum chocolate cake with soft white frosting. There were small snowflakes decorating the trim of the cake. A candle was lit with the words Happy Birthday scrawled in blue frosting.

"It was L's idea. He knew how much you liked the snow in England, especially on your birthday" he chuckled softly.

He pulled out a box from underneath the table in the sitting room and put it on the counter in front of me. I opened it and pulled out an intricate looking snow globe. It was tall with a gorgeous mountainous stand with shiny white swirls of snow. Little snowflakes shone along the design. In the heart of the globe was a snowman, he wore a hat and had a large smile with dimples. I read the letter.

Dear C,

I appreciate your help on the case, though I know it must have been hard for you to endure. You truly do have the potential to become someone great. As for the present, it seemed appropriate for the occasion. Now, our snow child can always be with us. Happy Birthday.

L.

"Now" Watari said with a warm smile "you can heal."

I sat there for another few hours, pondering what Watari had told me. I felt lighter, not as heavy as I did before my semi-crazy ranting. I looked out the window at the soft sunset and made my decision.

I knocked on the door and waited for a reply. I heard a muffled answer from behind the door and came inside. I stared at L, finally meeting his eyes. He was seated on a chair, watching me with an indifferent expression. I handed him a piece of cake I had brought with some tea.

"Don't worry, I put a bunch of sugar in the tea," I said.

He blinked and nodded.

I sat down onto his bed and went to his desk and got some soft handkerchiefs. He handed me one, holding it awkwardly in his fingers. My mouth twitched into a small smile that didn't last to long. I cleaned myself off and laid back onto his pillows. Time passed, as the night sky got darker. Rain had begun to pour sometime during my rant. L was silently crouched in his chair, studying me. I was breathing now, finally.

The day had turned to night when I finally decided to speak, but L beat me to it.

"I am sorry."

I didn't look at him; my eyes were staring at the ceiling though I saw nothing.

"I feel better now," I told him.

"That is good."

"I can breath…around you now."

He made his way over to his bed and crouched on it. I could feel his stare, but for once, I didn't care.

"I am glad to hear that" he said.

I still couldn't see anything; the ceiling was just a blur of color.

"I can't do this anymore L. The orphanage, it's not for me. I can't be your successor. "

"I know."

We stayed there as time passes and the room had darkened drastically. I could still make out his outline, but nothing more.

"I don't hate you L," I whispered.

He was silent.

"Everything that I said was the truth of how I felt. How I used to feel, all those years. But hate…no, I don't hate you."

The silence was calm now, not tense as it has been the past few weeks. I could hear the ticking of the clock on the bedside as the seconds beat away.

"I forgive you," I whispered.

I shifted to my side and blinked.

"Thank you." He whispered back.

My eyes closed slowly.

This was the first night that I spent with L.

*Yay, all done. Late and all, but done. Tell me what you think. I know it was all a rush, but trust me, now its time for lift off! The real story can now begin.

L WILL GIVE YOU A STRAWBERRY IF YOU REVIEW! (DO IT, DO IT!)


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